Monday, October 21, 2013

Senior Politician needed for 2014 Indian Elections

Dear reader, I need some help. A leading Indian political party has asked me to articulate an ad for recruiting politicians for upcoming elections in 2014. I have come up with the following and I need your help to validate or change it.

Senior Politician needed for 2014 Indian Elections

Responsibilities

·        Contest and win at least one Lower House seat (Lok Sabha)

·        Organize election campaign and raise funds for elections

·        Party’s go-to person for collecting kickback (or bribe) and distributing it

·        Manage groups responsible for religion based riots

·        Coordinate rallies to disrupt law and order

·        Strategically plan meetings with partner parties to set price of MPs

·        Collaborate with the underworld to ensure party priority are met

·        Be an expert in keeping senior members of the party happy

·        Pretend to care about society and poor

Required qualifications and experience

·        Lie smoothly

·        Experience in directly and indirectly asking for cut

·        Able to cheat with conviction and without fear of god, government or law

·        Never allow anyone to awaken conscience

·        Experience in successful embezzlement of minimum 10 Lakh rupee

·        Able to handle firearms for party’s interest

·        Has proven to be the toughest ruffian and hoodlum of the city

·        Capable to operating accounts in Switzerland and other foreign countries

·        Understand Indian judicial system and has experience in getting acquittal

·        Able to operate from the prison in an unforeseen situation

Salary:  It is a commission based job and unlimited potential. India is a rich country with lots of tax and foreign aid. You will be part of the system to bag all this money.

Dear reader, feel free to add if missed any specific point and of course I am more than happy to delete any point that is not correct.

I cannot decide if this post is fiction or non-fiction.

9 comments:

  1. Its a reality, not fiction...now everyday there is a new form of corruption, yesterdays paper said that MHA officials went abroad instead of engineers who were going for training.They increased their stay to 14 days and now govt. will spend some exhorbitant amount on the engineers training..

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  2. In India, US (and other democracies), industrialists donate to political parties and hence control them. In the US, this kind of corruption is legal, in India it is illegal.

    But, a democracy ensures one thing - Corrupt people elect corrupt politicians and deserve every bit of corrupt administration by (and unchecked by) them.

    Destination Infinity

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    Replies
    1. Well in the USA also, corporates can donate to political parties and they do. There are lobbies. It is far from perfect. It is just different style

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  3. Politicians are a reflection of the society. Sad but the rot is deep.

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    Replies
    1. Indian society is very diverse. I agree with you but politicians are reflection of only one segment of the society. I don't think Indian politicians represent Indian at all...I could never relate to any politician in India..

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  4. Such a amazing post. Made me smile yet think about the deep pit we as a country have fallen into.

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  5. This is definitely not fiction but the reality!

    I loved the last line which says that he should be 'Able to operate from the prison in an unforeseen situation'. Lalu is doing it now! They go to jail with a broad smiling face, waving at the crowds!

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  6. There will be no dearth of candidates for this. You will get many with years and years of experience in all the criteria mentioned above.
    Now if you go ahead and put in an ad for the opposite of all mentioned above, then the problem starts......
    Let us hope the new addition of NONE OF THE ABOVE in the voting machine will cause some flutter.

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